Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
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