what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
