We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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