Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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