did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
