Already got asked if we're dating
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
