I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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