yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
