Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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