Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
