JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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