How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
