just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
