didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
