Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
