so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
