I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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