I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
