Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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