We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
