I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
