i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
