My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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