Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
