shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
