You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
