Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
