Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Come on in and take your pants off
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