you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
