watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You left your phone here
Wait...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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