I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
