I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
