when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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