Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
