We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
