Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
