I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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