While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
