He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
