Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
