Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
