He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
