Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
