i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
