Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
