3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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