PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
