the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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