hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
