wakey wakey hands off snakey
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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