I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
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