giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
