Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
