My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
