i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
